When I was in college and working 40 hours a week, I used to think “ I cannot wait until I am done with school and am just comfortable.” Flash forward 4 1/2 years and I am here to tell you comfortability is a killer. Being comfortable leads us to be complacent and being complacent keeps us from discovering our best version of ourself. This isn’t a lesson I have learned the easy way… it actually might be the hardest thing I have been facing lately.
I have been in the same industry practically since college ended. I went to work everyday knowing my shit. No problem could occur that I hadn’t seen before. No issue I couldn’t talk my way through. No person I didn’t know. I loved the industry. I loved the people. I loved the challenge. Then one day I didn’t. It wasn’t something I could put my finger on honestly. I switched companies, thinking maybe a new environment would help. It didn’t. I thought if I could just change X,Y, and Z I’d be happy again, but I wasn’t. The unhappiness flowed from my work life to my home life and as hard as he tried ( Lord did that boy try) nothing Gracis could do could make me happy again. So why have I allowed myself to become increasingly more unhappy for the past year?
Truth is, I was scared of the unknown. Yeah, I was unhappy, everyone close to me could see it. But I was comfortable. I knew what everyday would be like, I knew I exactly what amount of work I had to put in to get the desired result. I was complacent, until one day I wasn’t. Maybe it was the personal chaos in my life. Maybe it was the look on Gracis’ face everyday when he got home, the look of sadness that his wife was checked out. Maybe it was just missing the excitement of the unknown. Or forgetting the reason you get up every morning. Regardless of it being one reason or all of them , I decided I was done. Last Friday I closed the door on a huge chapter of my life. A chapter that has brought amazing friends and unforgettable memories. My exit wasn’t as graceful as I had hoped, a certain amount of ugliness occurred. Ugliness that made me question, do I have what it takes to start over? Maybe what was said was truth. Maybe I am not a bad ass boss b*tch.
This past week has taught me leaving what’s comfortable brings an absurd amount of self doubt. It also brings out a beautiful vulnerability. In that vulnerability we see who we are in the people we have chosen to surround ourself with.
So here is to saying goodbye to what is comfortable. Embracing the fear. And Loving those people who lift you up when you don’t know which direction is up.
To Fresh Starts
Image Via: Cruzine